As you all know, I called my dad earlier last week. We have been talked 3 times now, for lengh. It's been about 2-3 hours each time. We started to talk about what happened 5 years ago today, and my dad said that he didn't want to talk about it now, and that our relationship is fragile, and we will put it on the back burner for now. He asked if i wanted to go to therapy with him to try ot work out our problems.
He asked if he could come over to meet the boys tomorrow. I knew this was coming, but I still wasn't prepared. Tony has made it very clear that he dosen't want my dad seeing the boys.
My dad has a history of violence(to me and my mom) as well as emotional and mental abuse. I know he would NEVER do anything like that to my kids, but it makes Tony scared.
My dad told me today that he is on total diability from the state, due to mental health. It worries me a little, but I know he is medicated to keep himself "normal". I would never tell Tony that, cause then he will never let us get together.
I had told my dad that I would meet him at the park tomorrow with the kids. I was going to just go, and not say anything to tony about it. Then I started thinking that maybe i should let him know what my plans were. He completely freaked out, and told me no way. Now i'm feeling REALLY resentful, and angry.
I had to call my dad, and I never call him after 12:00 noon. He said what's wrong? I said nothing. He said "I was worried you were going to call me and tell me I can't see you and the kids tomorrow" I tried to explain to my dad that Tony wants to be there when we meet. My dad wanted to know why. I told him because that's what Tony wanted, and I had to respect that. My dad said "do you think i'm going to harm them?" I said no. He asked me 3 more times if i thaught he was going to harm them, and I said no. I honestly don't....but Tony is unsure.
We have been argueing about it all day. He's mad at me, and I'm really mad at him. I feel really resentful that I have put up with his dad's crap for almost 10 years now, but he won't even give my dad a second chance. There are so many more layers that I can't even type out. It's so complicated. I feel like it's a tug of war between my dad and my husband. I feel like I hurt my dads feelings badly. I feel like he's missing out, and I'm missing out on the relationship. Tony wants nothing to do with him.
My stomach is in knots, I feel like i'm going to throw up, and i just keep binge eating. I dont know what to do. We are never going to see eye to eye on this. this is going to be an on going battle.
You need to explain to Tony that it's important to you and that he needs to respect that. Just like you respect his need for a relationship with his own father. Maybe you should meet your father without the kids first? If you meet in public place, it's highly unlikely he would do anything.
That really isn't fair that you have put up with his Dad's crap for so long and he won't give your Dad a second chance. I can understand him being a little fearful but I would think he would feel better if he could be there and it was in a public place. I'm sorry hun. I hope things start to get better soon..
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You guys need to agree on a compromise. Even if that means you and Tony meeting with your dad without the kids first so that Tony feels more at ease. This isn't going to go away, so you will need to sort through it
07-02-2008, 10:21 PM
really upset
