Been MIA for quite a while...REALLY LONG

Lisa · 06-18-2008, 04:14 PM

Ive been reading posts but not responding for over a month now. Im gonna try to sum up what is up. First off I got that horrible case of Pneumonia and couldnt kick it....i still have the horrible cough and congestion and no amt of steroids seemed to get rid of it. Dr says lets just wait it out...easy for him to say. Now I have acquired a UTI...and we all know how fun those are. Ive been really been trying to stick with my diet but the damn steroids arent helping that....my weight is like a yoyo because of them.

Im having serious issues with Ed. He has become so lazy(even worse than normal), helps me with nothing. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, running the kid here and there(daycare, drs appts). He comes home from work late and sits and either watches tv or plays his guitar. He wont even eat dinner with us. All he really helps with is putting Kate to bed and that is usually because he takes his evening break to take a crap and he is upstairs at that time anyway. He is back to sleeping on the couch and refusing to

because he is too tired or just plain not in the mood...my

spree with him only lasted a week or so. He doesnt acknowledge that ive lost 16lbs....or that im wearing a size smaller in clothes or that im only 5lbs away from where I was pre-baby...which is my weight when we got married. The only thing he acknowledges is the fact that im 25lbs heavier than I was when I met him over 7 yrs ago. I have bought new clothes, colored my hair, (get up even if im feeling like crap)put on makeup and perfume to make myself look nice and he doesnt even acknowledge it.

Its as if I dont even exist!!!!

Now another issue that im having is that a very close friends father died unexpectantly...he was found dead after choking to death on food. He was home alone, his wife was out of town visiting there grandkids. He didnt feel like taking the trip so he stayed home. My friend had seen him the day before and didnt call him that day because they had an arguement the day he saw him, he was letting his dad cool off. He got the call when a friend of the family stopped over at the house to visit and found his dad dead, the police were called and the cop that showed up happened to be his best friends brother. So his bf was the one that notified him of his dad dieing, having been contacted by his bro to get ahold of him. Well to sum things all up this friend just so happens to be an ex boyfriend of mine that I have been close with even after we broke up, he was there for me everytime I had an issue with Ed, and I helped him through a few hard breakups. He is the kind of friend that if he was female he would pretty much be the bf type. We can and do talk about anything. He has been the person that has helped me in the past making myself feel better about my weight loss. He was the one that pushed me to get my hair colored and cut and convinced me that I really needed to buy some clothes that actually fit. I have been trying to support him through all the pain he is going through with his dad and has said to me that if it wasnt for my support, he doesnt know how he would have made it through. He has no girlfriend right now and he cant seem to let go around his guy friends so with me he has been able to let it all out and mourn his dad and start to go on with his life. He has gone out of his way to tell me how great I look and how great Im doing with my weight loss. Basically all the things Ed should be doing but is not. There has always been something there between us, we got over the issues that we went through when we were together and that has helped us be better friends to each other. It seems to be the only time im truly happy is when we are together. I catch him watching me when im not looking and he has been touching me alot. Not gropeing me or anything, just a pat on the back or a casual hug, but alot more than normal.

Im just very confused because I have given Ed an ultimatum before and it lasted a few weeks and he was back to the way he is again. Im now getting the attention I deserve from my friend and it makes me wonder why im still with Ed.

Things between him and I have never been as good as they were with my ex. From family get togethers to just everyday things, Ed has made it all so difficult on me. Eds family hates me and my mother in law showed me how this weekend. Ed took Kate there for fathers day so I could get some errands done, return a few things, buy some staples we needed, visit my dad for FD and not have to do it all with Kate. His sister was at his parents house and remembered an earlier convo with me when I asked her to trim Kates bangs for me because of them being so long and in her eyes. She asked Ed if he wanted her to do that because they were so bad and he said that would be great because I hadnt been able to get together with her to have her do it before. His mom didnt like the way she was cutting them(his mom and sis are both beauticians) so she took the scissors from his sis and proceeded to wack off Kates bangs.....they are crooked, and look terrible...then she started just doing whatever she wanted to her hair....Ed wasnt in the room so he wasnt aware what was going on...she just did what she wanted to do....I have been growing Kates hair to get it all one length and she chopped the sides all off and made it so that some of the top of her hair is the same length as her bangs. It looks terrible and im so pissed about it. When Ed asked her why she did it she told him because the idea I had for her hair being all one length was stupid and that she looks much better this way. The nastyness with his mom just keeps getting worse and im to the point where I just dont even want to talk to her or see her. Ed doesnt see the issue because when he is there she is sickly sweet to me but when he is not around she turns into MEDUSA....snakes and all. Ive even thought about carrying a small voice recorder in my pocket to tape the things she says so I have proof for him...it is sad that I have to think I may actually have to do this.

Im tired of feeling unloved and unappreciated....everything is all about him and all his issues(whatever they may be: for example being tired is because I mustve tossed and turned and kept him up, or his gaining weight is because of the fact that I let myself go and gain weight and because of that he did the same) IS BULLSHIT....He blames it all on me. Its all my fault..he never has anything to do with it. Im just tired of it.

And to top it all off, Kate is picking up on the negativity and the lack of her father paying attention to her and is being a mega brat......CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!

Sorry this is so long I just needed to get it out...I will try to be a better DDB now. Ive missed you girls and glad I have you to vent to....thanks.

AmyP · 06-18-2008, 04:27 PM

I am so sorry you are dealing with so much. I only wish i had a cure all pill I could give to make it all go away.

Koloe · 06-18-2008, 04:37 PM

I'm so sorry things have been so

at home.

From all the things you have said about Ed over the last few years it may well be time to seriously look at your relationship with him and decide if this is what is best for you and Kate. And even what is best for him. Try not to mingle your feelings for your friend with your feelings for Ed - as that could get really messy and just confuses the issue. What you describe Ed doing is labeled Metal/emotional abuse. And it hurts - a lot - especially when it's never ending. Might just have to tell him he either goes to Marriage counseling with you or you kick him out (Trial Separation - you can get child support for this BTW). Or he goes to the doctor for a physical or what ever you think is causing his disinterest in life in general. I would highly recommend counsellings if possible before you do anything rash. I think you've mention he has a very strong aversion to it though.

On a sad side note - you might get rid of Ed - but he and his mother will always be in your life because of Kate. You might want to get a tape recorder to record what he and she say to you all the time. If you do file for divorce, you can use it in court. Or in marriage counsellings in the hopes of saving your marriage. Or maybe you can use it to become and Ace reporter or Secret shopper.

Or we can all come over to your house and

Ed till he shows some common sense.

Pautzie · 06-18-2008, 05:41 PM

I'm sorry Lisa.

Rebecca gave some great advice.

Jessica · 06-18-2008, 05:44 PM

I'm sorry Lisa!

That's a lot to deal with.

I have been right where you are at. It's confusing and hard when the attention you need and deserve is coming from someone other then your spouse.
I pray that things work out for you.

Angela · 06-18-2008, 06:14 PM

We've missed you

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this..

Emma · 06-18-2008, 06:37 PM

I'm so sorry sweetie. We've missed you a ton! Rebecca said what I was thinking. I hope things get sorted out soon so you can get the peace you need and deserve.