Stress

Cassie · 04-16-2008, 01:42 PM

I haven't been around much lately because it's been really stressful and I just haven't been happy about anything, especially being pregnant. Here goes...

So, I'm at that point in pergnancy where I'm really needy and want to be all clingy on my husband. For whatever reason - I don't know if this is expectant fathers in general or just my husband - this is is exactly when he wants to pull away. He's doing extra work (to save money for the baby so I shouldn't complain) or in the garage doing stuff on his new bike.

I have this guy friend who just had a nasty breakup and he's been hanging out with us a lot because he's, ya know, bored and lonely.

Can you see where this is heading?????

Basically I feel like I'm falling in love with my friend because he's so attentive and nice to me when I need it, and my husband isn't. It gets complicated because my friend's like "you're so great, blah blah blah, I loev you , blah blah blah" and I'm SO CONFUSED.

I know it's a result of being pregnant and crazy and needing SOMEONE to cling to, but I can't help but be mad at my husband for not like... being there? And I tried to be honest with him and tell him how I was feeling about my friend and of course that just made things worse. Now we're tense and I don't feel close to him at all and I'm STRESSED TO THE MAX about like... having a baby when I'm so confused and stuff.

I know when the baby comes I'll feel better and all this will fade away and everything will be right with teh world. It's just SO HARD and I can't shake the feeling I'm wrecking or have wrecked my marriage and I'm so confused.

:(

Koloe · 04-16-2008, 01:56 PM

Sorry your are feeling so detached of late. If your DH won't pay attention to you, have you consider counseling for yourself? Are there any pregnant women / expectant mom type groups in your area? Maybe a fitness class for pregnant women at the YMCA or other exercise facility? If there is a LLL group, you could go to that. But they ussually only meet 1 or 2 times a month. Really just sounds like you need support and you are not getting it at home. And I would have to say that men really don't "get it" when their woman is pregnant. Especially if this is the first for you both.

Any hobbies you like that would help you out?

Angela · 04-16-2008, 02:15 PM

Oh hun.. I'm so sorry you are so stressed...I know the feeling of wanting to be close to your husband and then they in turn pull away because of it...

I'm sure he is anxious about the baby as well and scared (it is a scary thing for guys), so I'm not defending his behavior because he should be there for you but I am sure he is trying to enjoy a few things before the baby is born... as far as your friend is concerned... if you feel it is putting a wall even further and further between you and your husband, maybe you should start limiting time between him and you... and maybe telling your hubs that you are probably just confused because the friend is offering quality time to you that you need that he just isn't providing right now... It's easy to confuse love with your need to be wanted/desired.. if that makes sense... I'm sure it's great to have a friend when you need it but think about if it's at your marriage's expense because I know you love your hubs...

Pregnancy is a hormonal roller coaster... You can always call me, just PM me for my number... and I would love to hang out anyway

gooberette · 04-16-2008, 02:20 PM

I agree with the girls. Pregnancy hormones are the worst and don't help out at all. I really hope things can start to get better for you

Jessica · 04-16-2008, 03:23 PM

I know things are hard for you, but you really should avoid spending any alone time with this friend right now.
Could you and your dh go away for the weekend? It sounds like y'all need time to re-connect.

Emma · 04-16-2008, 03:33 PM

I was gonna type the same as Angela did. You just need someone to pay you some attention and Dh isn't doing it. I think you need to limit time with the friend right now. You don't need to make any decisions regerding the marriage with the pg hormones in the way. He's probably equally confused because of his recent breakup.

Cassie · 04-16-2008, 10:09 PM

Thanks ladies.

I know there's no real future with my friend and it's not like I'm thinking of leaving or anything.

I think really I'm just afraid of like... growing up, and the finality of like, being a mom and a wife and losing my identity or something.

I do need some support and I am just STRESSED to the max. Because I just want to feel normal and attached and excited again.

I am hanging in HARD so don't worry or anything, I just needed to vent and I have NO ONE to talk to. I talk to my mom like every day, but unfortunately my one good friend I can talk to is kind of part of the problem!

BLAH

Thanks though

Angela · 04-16-2008, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cassie

Thanks ladies.

I know there's no real future with my friend and it's not like I'm thinking of leaving or anything.

I think really I'm just afraid of like... growing up, and the finality of like, being a mom and a wife and losing my identity or something.

I do need some support and I am just STRESSED to the max. Because I just want to feel normal and attached and excited again.

I am hanging in HARD so don't worry or anything, I just needed to vent and I have NO ONE to talk to. I talk to my mom like every day, but unfortunately my one good friend I can talk to is kind of part of the problem!

BLAH

Thanks though

Vent away... we're here for ya