What Christmas means . . .

Callie · 11-12-2008, 09:43 AM

With the holidays coming up, I am having a really rough time. For some reason, the holidays are really hard for me. We live near both sides of the family, not to mention ALL of my family lives within 45 minutes of us. Cris and I were raised very differently when it came to holiday traditions and are having a hard time blending our beliefs. Cris doesn't want our children to believe in Santa. He doesn't want our children to be lied to, besides Santa = Satan. It use to bug me, but I have learned to live with it. He has also never given me a Christmas present in four years, and four Christmas's. It was very hard for me, he believes Christmas is a time for Christ, not for gifts.
While I still believe we need to give gifts, my love language is TOTALLY gift giving, I have come to understand why he feels the way he does. I had an encounter with a family member of mine recently. The conversation went like this . . .

Mom "What are you doing for Christmas?"
Me:"I don't know, but I went Christmas shopping today!" said very excitedly because this was the first time in Years!
Mom "Well, you couldn't have gotten too much, you only had $200 to spend"
Me"Actually, we did very well thank you. It's not like it is all about the gifts." Said started to get annoyed.
MOM dropping/changing the subject "Well what are you getting for Grandma"
ME:thinking 'she said that because she wants to know what I am doing for everyone else besides immediate family' "I don't know, we don't have money to get everyone something. I will probably make something for everyone."
END OF CONVERSATION (So I had thought)

Why can this person (Mom) take something and turn it into a competition, something horrible, instead of realizing the excitement in the voice of the other person(ME).
The day went on and I got a call from my sister . . . the remainder of the conversation:

"I got a call from Mom today, she asked what I wanted for Christmas, I told her and she said, oh that is nice, wanna hear this?"
Mom then goes on to tell her that when we do sibling gifts we HAVE to spend AT LEAST 20 dollars because ME from above is just going to make everyone dumb paper gifts that she doesn't even do (meaning, once upon a time, a coupon book was given for tasks with ME, they weren't ALL completed, but some were). I can't believe she is so cheap, she can't even spend money on Christmas.

This really hurt. Because it was ALL about me. It made me realize, why Cris doesn't like the gift giving part of Christmas. It has turned into a competition between family, friends, and neighbors alike. Who got the biggest, best, most expensive gift. This is not what it has to be like. There is no focus on Christ or anything. Spend thousands of dollars, for what, to forget what you got by February. As the years have gone on, I can only remember a few, not even a handful of gifts that were given to me for Christmas. I know I can't remember Christ in it at all. So, I have come to a conclusion 1. Thank goodness my family never reads this. AND 2. I will be putting more Christ in this Christmas than EVER before.

Here is my plan, I wanna hear what you do or could do to better implement Christ into Christmas:
We will open P.J.'s on December 23 night
We will open "Christmas Presents" on Dec 24 morning and have family Christmas that day.
On Dec 25 we will have a morning centered around Christ. We will read scriptures, watch Christ centered movies, read the story of Christs birth, etc. In the afternoon, we will go to other family's homes and do the gift exchange, but not until AFTER we have a good focus on the Spirit that should be in our homes.

This is completely different than I thought my traditions would ever be. But for me, my family traditions are in need for a deep change. I will be the first, but I hope I am not the last, in creating lasting memories of a Christ Centered Christmas.

*** If you don't believe in Christ, or Christmas . . . I didn't mean to offend.

Emma · 11-12-2008, 10:53 AM

Callie-
I'm sorry your family is being so selfish and shortsighted. You are doing the right thing by bringing your own family back down to the basics. Building a good foundation for your kids will make a tremendous impact on their lives.
The issues you're dealing with is why I haven't enjoyed Christmas in a very, very long time. When we were kids the holidays were miserable because we didn't have money (that was all we heard about). Now that we're older it's either a competition on who buys what or who spends what time with what family. Grrrrrr! You're right, most of us have lost sight of what Christmas is.

Thanksgiving has become my favorite time of year because there are no gifts and it's about getting together with friends or family and giving thanks for what we have. We haven't lost sight of what that holiday is about, yet.

Koloe · 11-12-2008, 11:15 AM

When I was growing up, we use to light the Advent wreath every Sunday of Advent. My mother would read a book on Jesus's birth and we were probably asked questions about Christ and such. My mother still does the advent wreath in her house - not surprising since she is now a minister.

But she wasn't when I was really young.

I don't do that in my home because DB is such a PITA and so anti religion in general.

I know this year, unless I get a job soon, Christmas gifts are going to be pretty basic from me. But that's not the point in my family. My siblings like giving nice gifts to each other at Christmas - budget willing. Probably because we had so many Christmases growing up that were pretty slim pickings. But we definitely don't feel a person should go in to debt to give others gifts. That's not the point of Christmas in my family. I know one of my brothers specifically said recently that he didn't want gifts if it was a financial hardship for someone.

Last year my boss and his wife decided against exchanging gifts with each other and decided instead to donate the money they would have spent to an agreed upon charity. I know I've considered for one of my brothers to donate a gift to charity in his name instead of giving him a gift, since he could buy anything I could afford to give him without a 2nd thought.

OK - I'm rambling. But I do agree that "Christ" is being lost in "Christmas".

belinda · 11-12-2008, 10:54 PM

Callie,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that your family is being such selfish jerks about the holidays. You're right, it should NOT be about the money value but the THOUGHT of the gift to remember what the holiday is all about.

That being said, this may sound off, but, I really envy your courage in your post. I completely agree with the girls. You are doing the right thing by taking back your home and your family and celebrating and bringing Christ back into the holiday. You're being strong and doing what's right for your family, and, that could NEVER be the wrong decision.

Good for you!

Pautzie · 11-13-2008, 10:15 PM

Sorry about the family drama.

My family (aunts, uncles, cousins...) used to do the whole gift exchange thing, but I think last year we opted out and it was okay.

We give gifts to our mothers/fathers and nieces/nephews. We used to exchange gifts with our sisters, but after talking with them it seemed silly for us all to struggle with the finacial aspect.

Our family plans usually go like this:

December 24 - DH and I spend the day with the kids - we try to visit a family member that we won't get to see on Christmas day - go to the evening children's Mass at church and open pajamas when we get home

December 25 - Open Santa gifts with the kids and then head out to the first family's house, later we visit the other family's house

DH's parents are divorced - so that makes three families we try to squeeze in.

Emma · 11-13-2008, 10:44 PM

As far as gift giving goes, we have drawn names for the past few years with my family. none of us have disposible income to spend on gifts for all. Last year and this year I headed up the exchange on elfster.com It's worked out pretty well. Now if we could only get Dh's family to cooperate

Tricia · 11-14-2008, 08:51 PM

Callie, I am responding before I read everyone else's post. Not that matters

I am just telling you that.

I am so, SO sorry your family is so materialistic. It really is said. Cris really has a great heart and firm reasons for it.

As far as blending your tranditions here is an idea. My "friend" does this for her family.

Her children get 3 gifts because that is what Christ got. If it was good enough for him then it is good enough for her children. THAT IS IT.

If family chooses to buy for them then they do, but from SANTA, the kids get 3 gifts. They begin their morning with scripture before ANY presents are opened, ensuring Christ is the center of the celebration NOT materials.

I hope this gives you some ideas............