when to have the sex talk?

jillian1527 · 02-23-2006, 05:56 PM

Chloe(8.5) was at moms the other day and shut herself in the back room. Rachel walks back there and yells to Chloe to open the door. Mom goes to see what the trouble is and finds her looking at a Kama sutra book that she had forgotten she had back there.It had photos as well as written material. Chloe is an all A student and can read unbelievably
I wasn't there and I have been debating on what to say to her if anything at all. I know she knows what it was about b/c she hid it from mom at first.
Any suggestions on if I should bring it up to her and how. I know I need to be having the whole talk about her body changing some time soon too. Gosh why do they have to grow up. It really doesn't seem like it was but yesterday when I was bringing her home from the hospital.
I plan on visiting the library tomorrow to look for books on this topic as well.

Emma · 02-23-2006, 06:02 PM

I've obviously got no experience on this subject, but wanted to say GL. I know my mom gave us a book to read when i was like 12 (a little late if you ask me). I had already heard it all at school. Let us know how it goes.

sophiasmommy · 02-23-2006, 06:28 PM

i don't think that 8.5 years old is too young. i would definitely talk to her about what she read because it's probably not something you want her to be talking about with other kids. (she probably wouldn't because kids that age are still so embarassed when they hear about sex, kissing etc.)

she has probably heard some things already from other kids, it's amazing what kids will hear in school. a girl i went to school with got pregnant when we were 11

, and i remember a bunch of other kids experimenting even earlier than 11 because of things they've read or seen.

good luck, it's hard to try to find the right words with the big sex talk. you want them to know a little so they can make the right choices as they grow up, but not all the details so young.

Terri · 02-23-2006, 06:36 PM

Oh god, the dreaded sex talk!!!!

We still haven't had *the talk* with my 10 year old step son, although I know he's seen his dads Playboy that was accidentally left in the back bathroom (bad daddy!) and unfortunately he's seen one full frontal naked shot me that his dad left on the digital camara (DH was in BIG trouble for that one) - so all that mixed in with all the sex, partial nudity and cussing that's on TV today, I know he's aware of it but we just haven't felt that he's old enough or mature enough to handle the actual sex talk yet. We did discuss when we're going to have the talk with him & decided to wait until he starts Junior High. That's just us though, if you feel your ready and your daughter's ready then maybe you should do it now. I personally would wait though.

GL!!!

jillian1527 · 02-23-2006, 08:59 PM

Thanks ladies. I know its out there, in fact there is a boy in her class that showed his penis to a few girls last year, ( I didnt know about it till this year or else I would of took it to the principal) and he tried to look up Chloe's shirt as well. I swear I was playing with dolls still at this age, and I dont think I am *that* old.
Terri, OH MY about dss seeing the digi!

Amanda05 · 02-23-2006, 10:14 PM

I am still waiting for the sex talk

but I also was pregnant in high school so don't wait this long

I hope you find an easy nonembaressing way for both of you good luck

belinda · 02-24-2006, 12:04 PM

Oh...Were do I begin...
I haven't quite had the 'sex' talk with Katelynn yet (who will be 10 in June), but have had the 'period' and body changing talk with her. She came to me with some questions about 6 months ago after she found out that a friend of hers had her period and was wearing a bra. I got her the American Girl "The Care & Keeping of YOU". It teachs girls about everything regarding their body...why they should takes showers and keep clean, changes that will happen to their bodies as they begin to prepare for womanhood, etc. It's a really good book. I told her not to worry about anything past a certain point in the book, that we would discuss it when she grew breasts, but, that I didn't want her to feel confused or embarrassed about discussing her feelings or any questions that she might have. She was relieved and glad that we talked about it.

This might be a great way to start (rather than going straight into the sex talk). I'm worried about having the sex talk too. (Which I will certainly have to do now that her Mom is pregnant again). I'm wondering how to start that conversation too, because originally I was going to say something to the effect of...'when two married people love each other...' but, her mom is pregnant and not married...nor does she have any morals to think that you should be married before having children. Which explains why this is her 7th pregnancy with 7 different men! EW!

So, I have to figure out how to approach it now that her mom is proving to be an even worse influenance.

Good luck...and try to make the conversation private and open-minded. Hopefully they will feel like they can ask any questions that they might have. Probably the best way to approach it would be to ask if they have heard anything from friends and what they might know. Then try to fill in the blanks or correct what the friends might have said. Try not make a big deal out of actually having "the conversation"...but, of course, make sure that they understand that having sex is an important commitment that you should make with someone that you love after you are older and married. And remind them to try to make good choices.

UH! I will have to think about this one and let you know if I come up with a great way of approaching it...

Koloe · 05-06-2006, 01:35 AM

I don't think you can ever start this too early. Knowledge is power. NOT knowing about sex can be even more dangeous to your child than knowing about it. Especially with sex being thrown in our faces every time you turn around in our society. Considering the ages I know people had sex at 20-30 years ago - and they often had no idea what the possible concequences were pregnancy/diesease because everyone thought they were too young - the sooner you educate the better.

There are books out there designed for young children. You could give on to her to read. Or better yet, you could read it with her. I figure I should start looking for a book I like so in a few years I can read an age appropriate book to my DD. And as she get's a bit older get a new book to increase her knowledge. I took a book out of the library to read to my sister when she was 6. I showed it to my mother before I read it to my sister. It had 2 cartoon people hoping in bed together - under the blankets. lol A very basic birds and bees book. My sister always thought I was weird,

but when she was ready - she asked me how you go about getting birth control.