New update (POSITIVE) VERY LONG!!!

Tricia · 04-21-2008, 11:36 PM

Hey everyone, it has been a crazy, scary and very hard weekend. So here it is.
THis is from my blog. Then I updated it.

I did not censor out the curse words.

Today started out like a typical Saturday. Dh wanted to go fishing and I really wanted him to stay home, knowing full well that if he did it was going to be a bad day. I have really been spending a ton of money lately trying to get this gloomy feeling to go away and I know full well that no amount of shopping will relief how I am feeling.

So I decided to go get a book "THe power of prayer" ( I ended up with only the study guide oops, I will need to go back and get the BOOK) go to Best buy try to get them to downgrade my computer so that I can use one computer and only one computer for everything. While at Best buy it was just about the same to downgrade my computer as it was to buy a new printer. So I decided for the printer.

I also told DH that I was going to go buy an expresso machine, for Mother's day, b/c I have been wanting one and hopefully it will save us some $$ b/c I am making my drinks at home. Oh, and DH wanted me to go ahead and get an expresso machine with a coffee pot together so that we could get rid of his coffee pot.

SO I went to Starbucks and they didn't have any. I was going to go home but then I figured NO, I am going to get it. So I went to the mall. While at the mall I figured I might as well go ahead and get a couple of nursing bras b/c I desperatly need them and I don't have any nursing shirts.

WEll both kids were stopping and looking at the train, stopping and watching other people, THen G had to do #2 and T had to eat. So no matter how fast I was trying to go I couldn't go any faster.

WEll DH wanted to take the kids fishing today instead of tomorrow b/c of the rain. But it was getting later and later.

I started to feel anxious b/c I don't like being on a schedule b/c I know that DH gets PISSED if I say I will be home at one time and then it take me a bunch longer to get home.

So I called up and fibbed about there being an accident on the highway. I was trying to protect myself from him and what he says and starts to do b/c of his drinking.

So I got home and I noticed that Dh looked a little drunk. He got up stumbling. I really did not like the idea of him driving the kids. I can't believe I let him go. And as he was pulling away I noticed that he had a cooler, which inevidably had to contain more beer. What was I doing allowing him to drive away drunk with my children in the car. GOD I hate myself. WHY didn't I say something.

So they left and I went into crazy mode. I had a printer to install a coffee pot to figure out and I started to really clean. I went through cabinets and got rid of PG books and crap that i have had and I am so sick of hanging on to. When I was finished I managed to fill a BIG BLACK trash bag and if you know me that is a big deal b/c I hold onto everything.

SO while I am straightening the house I noticed that DH SORTED (did not put away) all of the laundry (3 or 4 loads). I got trash, picked up, clothes, emptied and filled the dishwasher, installed the printer, and got the coffee pot out of the box. I started dinner about 15 mins b4 everyone came home.

As soon as they got home I noticed HOW DRUNK DH was. OMG I was mad. HOw Could he take our children's lifes in jeopardy like that. How could I let him go? What is wrong with me. SO Dh comes in and STARTS

He says " I figured you would at least have the kids dinner done" I said (knowing that the chicken was on the grill) "I didn't know what time you would be home, you didn't call me. He says " I didn't have my phone" I say," So how was I suppose to have the kids dinner done and on the table if I don't know what time you are coming home, did you tell me a time that you intended on being home" He says, "What you think I am going to be home at 8pm with my kids?" I say "No but I don't know if it is going to be 5:30 or 6:30." And he looks at the clock and starts cusing.

I continued to get the kids dinner on the table while they are playing outside having a good ol'e time. T starts to cry. I get the kids in they are fusing b/c they want to be outside b/c daddy is playing with them. But now I am the bad guy b/c I am trying to get them in to eat the dinner that DH so badly wanted to have done on the table.

In the meantime I have not done anything with our dinner, b/c it was a shrimp dish and I didn't have time. I was running around like an idiot trying to clean and organize and what not. Then it really started

I started to prep dinner.
Dh starts calling me lazy, useless, fat, nigger, Bitch and everything else.

Kids need to go to bed, Dh is holding T. G and B are fooling around and I have to enforce putting them to bed. I am getting B and Dh comes in stubbling w/ T in his arms. I take her. B gets up again and I need to feed T but I start prepping the veggies for dinner. Dh says "Do what ever you want B I don't give a Fuck"

I am nursing and get B back to bed and now the veggies are sitting prepped. Dh starts cussing again. calling me names b/c I don't have dinner done.

I just start to pray b/c I don't know whatelse to do. I am scared, mad, hurt and everything else. Dh say "Bitch can't even say thank you for me putting laundry away" I just busted my but for almost 3 hours not sitting for a second and he wants a thank you for SORTING not putting away but sorting laundry.

Some where during this time. Dh tells T "I don't know what your mom has in store for you but she is going to ruin you" or something like that.

Dinner is done, I sit, Dh made it to spicy and i can't eat it b/c of T and I don't want to make her miserable.

After dinner Dh says "there is no love here what is the point"

HOW IN THE HELL am I suppose to love someone who says such disgusting words, who puts me down in front of my children, who yells and intimidates our children. HOw am I suppose to be all loving and caring??? I am trying to stay in the house b/c I really juat want to leave.

So DH goes into our room to get ready for bed and continues with calling me a pig, lazy, fat and everything else.

How am I suppose to fix a marriage when the problem is continuing. I don't want to leave the kids with him. I am scared they will get hurt b/c of his carlessness. What do I do? I am praying for him. But I am praying for me that I will do the right thing.

But Sunday morning, b4 my fair. Rich and I had a serious talk. I said "How dare you jepordize my children's lifes. It was only by the grace of God that everyone made it home safe. But this is the line for me. I no longer trust you to make good parenting decisions because of this. I will not leave you alone with the kids. They are going to Marie's to go to church and then they will be there until I get done with the fair. If I didn't love you I wouldn't be here but this was the line. SO you have a choice. You can live your life in the bottom of your beer can if you choose but you will not do it here. If you choose not to leave and continue to drink, I will be removing the children from a dangerous situation b/c someone has to look out for them. I am not asking for a divorce or a seperation I will simply be removing the kids from a dangerous situation. I love you but I can't fix you nor can I change you."

I was crying and holding his hand but he wouldn't hold mine back. That was ok. He listened and his eyes got teared up.

So when I got done with the fair I was 100% ready to go to a hotel for the night or a week. I had the bags packed for me and the kids in the van.

HE CAME HOME WITH A 12 PACK OF COKE a COLA.

Yes COKE!!! Sunday was Rich's first day sober in 5 or so years.

and tonight was his second

I can't believe it. I am praying hard that he will continue to be able to resist the devil and that he will continue to draw strength from God and that he will be able to listen to the Holy Spirit as he fills the void in his life.

I can't tell you how proud of him I am.

Angela · 04-22-2008, 09:31 AM

I've already talked to you and posted about your blog on Saturday night, so I'm just gonna focus on the positive right now... I am continuing to keep you all in my prayers and I am really praying for you that he continues to drink Coke... It's great that he is finally trying to make an effort...

I know how hard all of this has been on you but I am so glad you are taking care of yourself

Love ya

Jessica · 04-22-2008, 09:49 AM

Tricia, I really don't know what to say.
I hope Dh continues being sober. Maybe his next step will be AA.

Lisa · 04-22-2008, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jessica

Tricia, I really don't know what to say.
I hope Dh continues being sober. Maybe his next step will be AA.

I Agree......dont forget if you need to talk im only a phone call away.

Kris · 04-22-2008, 11:33 AM

I'm so glad there is a positive end to that post.
I'm going to continue to pray for the two of you. I really hope that this is a true turnaround for him, and your entire family.

Koloe · 04-22-2008, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kris

I'm so glad there is a positive end to that post.
I'm going to continue to pray for the two of you. I really hope that this is a true turnaround for him, and your entire family.