jillian1527

I am mostly writing this just to help get it off my chest. all of my friends are friends with Darren as well and I am not ready to announce it formally yet. I think its just over for us. I know I love Darren, and I know its normal to go through phases, but this phase has just been sticking. I dont even know where to start. I am just not happy anymore. And everything I try to do to make myself happy he finds some way to shoot it down or make me feel guilty about it. I just dont even know what to do anymore. I am sorry for dumping on you all here. and I am not looking for pity but any advice would be so welcome. He refuses counseling.

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Koloe

I'm sorry.

Counseling is what I would have suggested. Would he be willing to do a program with just the 2 of you? Such as using a workbook together to work through the marriage issues? My ex-dh refused to do that. If he won't take it seriously, it's not worth it.

Maybe a marriage retreat/renewal weekend? Time away from the kids so you can talk. They normally have a counseling component, but not like going to a councilor.

Have you made a list of the good and the bad things about your relationship?

Looked at why you think your not happy? What would make you happy?

Maybe you two just need a little time apart to see how you still feel about each other?

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jillian1527

Thank you Rebbecca. I have started a journal of my days.. When things are good and we get along and then when we dont and why.
He wont to counseling because he doesn't want anyone in his buisness. I do talk to him about whats bothering me and he changes for awhile then goes right back into his old ways. I do think I am going to suggest time apart after Christmas. My goal for now is to get though the holidays.

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Lisa

I was going to suggest this as well. Maybe just a weekend away the two of you alone where you can talk and spend some time alone together and just be you Darren and Jillian not mommy and daddy, where you are never alone and always doing something for someone else. Maybe someplace that has a couples spa..maybe a couples massage.

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I Breastfeed Kaitlyn 2 Years, 7 Months and 6 Days.

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Terri

I know this must have been hard for you to write sweetie because you're a very private person, and I am so sorry you're going through this and have no one to talk to about it.

I really hate giving marital advice because it's such a sensitive and personal situation, but being married is a two-way street and if he's not willing to work on the things that are making you unhappy, then you've gotta do whatever it takes to get on your feet and be happy with your life again Jillian.

I'm sure your mom's aware of this... would it be possible to stay with her for a little bit while you think about how to make a change in your life?

Again, I'm so sorry sweetie.

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Sleepy Kitty

When I first saw your picture of you and the kids w/Santa, I thought you just didn't look like you usually do - more stressed maybe & not as happy. I'm glad you shared this with us

Emma

I'm sorry you are feeling like this Jillian. I thought Rebecca had some very good suggestions. Maybe a stay at a nice hotel for a couple of nights, treat yourself to IHOP for breakfasts and sleep late. I know it would make a world of difference for us, but we don't have family to help with the kids. If you have family that can help, take advantage of that and at least make one more effort to find your way back to each other and what makes you happy. Then you won't be asking yourself "what if".... We did counseling a couple of times and it helped a ton. I also went through "Relationship Rescue" by Dr Phil and it also helped. Dh and I read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus years ago and it helped us better communicate. Sometimes we need a little refresher though. We are here for support.

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Janeal

I think the girls have some good advice. I'll be thinking about you!

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