not sure if i will have another child

Amanda05 · 10-17-2005, 03:09 PM

I am not in the same boat just wanted to give you a

Amanda

fyrestar · 10-17-2005, 03:34 PM

So sorry you had such a traumatic delivery! Don't you almost wish you'd just had a c-section?

Neither one of my deliveries was as complicated as yours, but I think I do know how you feel. My first pregnancy was awful. I mean awful. I had high blood pressure for the entire thing and spent every day worrying that I would get pre-eclampsia. We had not been meaning to get preggo, and I cried when I saw those two lines (funny story there - I didn't see two lines, so put the test in the trash and jokingly told DH I was preggo - should've seen my face when he brought the test to me a few minutes later asking what two lines meant

). I was extremely overweight, about 80 lbs, and my mom had pre-e, so one of the first things I said to DH as we sat there staring at the test was that I was destined to get pre-e.

I did end up getting it at 34 weeks, spent a week in the hospital on complete bedrest before the OB finally said that was enough and we were inducing. Induction went terribly, I spent 8 hours in horrible labor, finally caved and got an epi and 45 minutes after the epi was placed was being wheeled into the OR for an "urgent" c-section because I wasn't moving fast enough and Cade wasn't tolerating the pitocin anymore.

My c-section recovery was textbook I guess, but I was in agony for 2 weeks and had horrible PPD because of how fast and horribly everything had gone. I actually reacted the opposite of you - when Cade was 2 weeks old I was completely obsessed with having another baby so I could "try again" and "do it right" this time. I felt like I'd failed and had to try again to succeed. I lost 60 lbs, exercised and when we did get preggo again I started baby aspirin, fish oil, vitamin C&E ... anything I could think of to prevent pre-e. Also got put on blood pressure meds at 20 weeks to help control things.

And the biggest change I made was I stopped spending everyday in constant fear of a repeat pregnancy, or even a worse pregnancy. I had a few moments where I imaged myself getting horrible pre-e at 24 weeks and the baby dying, but for the most part I was much more positive. I planned on having a better delivery too, hopefully a VBAC.

And amazingly enough I got it all! No pre-e, no other problems in the pregnancy, and got my VBAC. It was an awesome birth really, although I did end up with a 2nd degree episiotomy and spent the first 5 days PP in just as much agony as my c-section. But it was still better and I only hope to improve even more with the next one since second labors are supposed to be faster and easier. I'm still in disbelief that something didn't go wrong - 10 weeks later sometimes I feel like I'm still waiting for the other shoe to fall lol!

As far as the only child issue - My DH is an only child, and although he said he had a great childhood he does wish he had a sibling to be close to. His mom says she loved being able to devote so much in just one child, but she now wishes she'd had one more. So, I think you can be happy with an only child, but don't let one bad birth experience be the decision-maker. It can be better next time, and if you really want to try again, then try!

DKGirl · 10-17-2005, 06:29 PM

I'm speaking from experience as I had almost the same things happen after the birth with my oldest DS. In fact I had to go back and have a D&C after having him as some of the placenta never came out and I was hemmorraging. I too had an anal fissure from the ripping and still have problems with it at times and it's been over 9 years ago. Several times a year I have to get an RX for Proctofoam as it get's opened up again. Plus I had PUPP the 1st. time and it didn't go away after the birth. I was still itchy red and swollen for 3 weeks after he was born. I loved the new baby but I felt horrible!!!

I was scared this time around when it came to the birth. It was totally different. So much better and I was 9 years older, I'm 34. No thrush, mastitis, hemmorraging, etc. My body handled it much better after the birth this time. I did tear but nothing like before and was completely healed at my 6 week appointment.

I'm sorry you feel so bad. It's rough taking care of a newborn when you feel so tired and yucky yourself. <Many hugs>

Tricia · 10-18-2005, 10:21 AM

I don't even know what to say. But I want to give you a

being a second time mom I can say that the delivery process was night and day. It was totally horrible, but with Gage, I went till 6 cm got my epidural, they used the vaccum to get him out and I also tore. NOt really aweful.

With bailey I got the epidural the first time she was hitting bone, it was the worst feeling in the world. So she moved and tried again. I was numb from croch down but still felt EVERY contraction. They kept giving my the boules (sp? of medicine but it wasn't going away. I was DYING. So they Gave me a 3rd epidural. That finally worked but I had absoulutely zero feeling.

When it came time to push I had them turn off my epidural b/c I couldn't pinpoint where to push. So I did, and 45 mins later a 9lb 14oz baby came out, ON HIS OWN. I TORE< you better believe it.

It still bothers me. BUt it is getting better.

But like everyone else said, don't base one birth experience on wether you have a second or not. THEY are normally completely different. Same with your children they are nevery the same.

I am sorry you feel like this and i hope you start to feel physically better soon

to you.

Tricia