I don't know what to do....
My dad was very abusive growing up...mentally, and physically. I spent most of my childhood wishing my mom would leave him. He never attended family functions, because he always had a gripe about this one and that one. He didn't speak to his father, and didn't see him until he was in the hospital dieing.
I have 2 1/2 brothers, who didn't speak to my dad for the first 21 years of my life. They refuse to return my phone calls, and I don't know if they are talking to my dad at this point.
When Tony and I were planning our wedding, my dad was just giving me such a hard time about paying for things. In all that I had been through in my life with him, I made the decision to have my mom walk me down the isle. When I told my dad, he was extreamly upset. His sister called and bitched me out (I was REALLY close to her and my grandma) And everyone from his side of the family sent letters saying "Due to unforseen circumstances, we will not be attending your wedding...." I was hurt...VERY hurt.
A few years ago, he tried to reach out to me...he send me flowers when I had Mike. All the card said was"Congragulations, Love, Dad" And it was his handwriting. When I called him to tell him about the wedding, he said he no longer had a daughter.
His wife called about 3 years ago to let me know he was in the hospital(I didn't even know he got married) I asked her to call me if things turned out to be bad. She told me he really missed me. I told her HE choose not to talk to me.
I've been really thinking about my dad, and all the good times we have had in my life. I want to call him. He's never seen my kids. I don't even think he knows about Dean. I want him to be a part of my life. Tony dosen't want me too. He thinks he's too violent, and that his suicidal tendencies are still there(he tried a couple of times when my mom left him)
That very well may all still be there, but I won't know unless I call right? I don't want him to die, and me live with all the guilt that I never took that first step to reach out and try to contact him. I would feel sooo awful if something happened, and I never got to make a mense with him, and make things right. Tony's scared that it's going to affect our relationship, because i was so emotional when I was talking to my dad. I didn't know how to stand up for myself. He dosen't want my dad to see our kids, because he's scared of what he could do. I trust my dad 100% with my kids....I would NEVER put them in a situation to where they were in jepordy.
We all know I HATE his dad, but I go over there and have dinner, and do things with them because it's HIS dad, and I'm showing Tony respect by doing it...even though I think his dad is a scum bag.
Should I call my dad? Who knows, he might just hang up on me...
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