I'm so sorry things have been so
at home.
From all the things you have said about Ed over the last few years it may well be time to seriously look at your relationship with him and decide if this is what is best for you and Kate. And even what is best for him. Try not to mingle your feelings for your friend with your feelings for Ed - as that could get really messy and just confuses the issue. What you describe Ed doing is labeled Metal/emotional abuse. And it hurts - a lot - especially when it's never ending. Might just have to tell him he either goes to Marriage counseling with you or you kick him out (Trial Separation - you can get child support for this BTW). Or he goes to the doctor for a physical or what ever you think is causing his disinterest in life in general. I would highly recommend counsellings if possible before you do anything rash. I think you've mention he has a very strong aversion to it though.
On a sad side note - you might get rid of Ed - but he and his mother will always be in your life because of Kate. You might want to get a tape recorder to record what he and she say to you all the time. If you do file for divorce, you can use it in court. Or in marriage counsellings in the hopes of saving your marriage. Or maybe you can use it to become and Ace reporter or Secret shopper.
Or we can all come over to your house and
Ed till he shows some common sense.
